mehheheh

“I’ll Bake Your Glove” – A Bobby Cox Winter Singing Adventure

The story behind this winter singing event.

This all happened, one day, on an outing to the crummy place known as Sports Authority which might not be crummy, but this one looked kind of crummy. A friend and I were going in on a purchase for a 6 t-ball set. Because it was for practicing the knuckleball (not for any goal of being in an organized baseball situation, like a team. Just because it's fun). A hardball kind of hurts to try throwing some knucklers for 45 minutes to an hour. Maybe sometimes a half-hour, and not 45. Anyhow, to get to the inevitable point, there was a display for a product involving already-then-retired manager, Bobby Cox, and it was a product that called for one using it to put the foam on the glove, and "insert into a conventional oven at 300 degrees for 4 minutes. Repeat once if necessary. Hot Glove will break-in, soften, condition, and waterproof your new glove in minutes."

I thought, "wait, no, you aren't supposed to use an oven. You're supposed to play catch. Or, no, that's not true, because there are still people essentially saying to put it into an oven, and they would be the users of this 'Hot Glove' product." I know I didn't think exactly that group of phrases, but that is the essence of what it was. And whether or not he actually ever used it, Bobby Cox was endorsing it. He's pictured saying "It works!" -which is paraphrasing what he originally said, which is that (see bottom of linked page) "This stuff really works!" Then things got to be bad…for me they were bad, I mean! Even with a friend there who thought it was just as funny. Maybe that made it worse.

And I imagined saying in a threatening manner that he was going to bake everyone's gloves whilst cackling, and thought I wouldn't make it out of Sports Authority, at least not having made the t-ball purchase. Not to imply I was going to just take the t-ball package, but that I wasn't going to purchase them that day because facing the cashier would be too much. I found myself on the ground, sitting in that baseball accessory section for a good couple of minutes thinking I might have a broken a rib or a few at some point. It was that kind of laughing. At a sports supply store. By a display of baseballs. It's still funny. I just finished taking the empty trash cans back into the garage, and, on my way back, I feared there would be a neighbor or two and they'd see me laughing, so I pretended like I chewing bubble gum, which didn't work. Although, I don't think they saw me, either. I'll remember this day as the day I mentioned the Hot Glove product, amongst a few other days where I mentioned it publicly. It probably was 2 years ago, except I am remembering that I sent Nick and Enrique the link to the product and said something about Bobby Cox and none of it had to do with what was being discussed.

Hopefully, this never happens again for about the next year. I'll bet that stuff can be toxic, though.

Or, I at least typed "hopefully." It is the opposite of possible to even hope! Also, for other people who have been subjected to the Hot Glove image (the one above this previous image), I'm…just hoping you completely forgot and think it's so funny, just like this scowling deer that looks like it's Gromit the dog's cousin if they could be related to deer…

 

 

I have a friend with a friend who knows a family that rescued a deer and it grew up thinking it was a dog, and things turned out fine because someone with the right number of acres for the deer to run around let the deer live there.

Jess Lemont

About Jess Lemont

Jess is mostly an illustrator, here, providing occasional theme music. As her profile picture would indicate, she does not (or, may not) have a the skill required for flipping bats, so a drawing has replaced it. Really, you could also think of her as the photographer without a camera, in that regard. And, really...maybe it's best not to ask beyond this point.

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